Life's Simple How-Tos

Application Edition:
Or the how to NOT to's. Like, how to NOT get a job in an ice cream and chocolate shop.

With the upcoming push of students looking for summer work, I thought it nice to help out those who are looking to get into the culinary art of ice cream shop and chocolate sales. I've compiled a helpful to- (not) do list of all the things I find detrimental to your potential employment from real-life applications being submitted to the store right now. (Oh how I wish I had made some of these up.)

So, read on, dear applicant, and do the exact opposite of the poor saps below for a guaranteed 72.3% increase in your chocolate and ice cream marketability!

1. When asked for your hobbies, write: dieting, exercise and modelling.
     Seriously. Did you even happen to glance inside the store to glimpse its contents before grabbing this application?

2. Writing in the margin that you are lactose intolerant or allergic to dairy.
     See above response.

3. When handing in your application, ask: So when should I call you for an interview?
     Won't get you as far as you think it will. Because you sound like a jerk.

4. In the 'getting to know you' question of who your favorite character from a novel is, respond: Edward Cullen, Bella Swan, Ana Steele, or Christian Grey. (Combo breaker for answering two or more)
     I've already thrown your application in the trash. I might have even ripped it into pieces first.
Subsequently,

5. Answering the above question with "Ernest Hemingway"
     You're not fooling anyone. No one likes reading Hemingway. I don't even think Hemingway enjoyed writing his own work. 

 6. Dotting your i's with hearts. Writing your periods as smiling faces. Starting sentences with lower-case letters. Writing 'LOL' or 'IDK' or any other shorthand text answer for anything.
     You're speaking to potential employers, not your BFF from across the aisle in geometry class.

So there you have it. Six simple mistakes that are easy to avoid. I'm sure there will be more to come.