Rent is Too Damn High

This post is inspired by Jimmy McMillan. I always believed in you, buddy.

(For references, please direct yourself here.)
 
So, let's talk about Ann Arbor, land of a thousand students. All of which who are currently searching for limited living spaces for the coming year. It's a bit of a mess. Like, black Friday shopping at Wal-mart messy with middle-aged moms decking out grandmothers for the last Tickle Me Elmo (Those are still a thing, right?)

The way housing works in Ann Arbor is literally first-come-first-serve and by 'first-come' I mean those who are months ahead of you on the wait list and by 'first-serve' I am distinguishing between those who can afford to bribe off the realtors and those who squabble over what is left.

...But the night life is amazing!

I am in what you might call a bit of a pickle. You see, I am graduating in the near future and must decide if I want to re-rent in Ann Arbor and enjoy the fabulous life that I have here, at an insane price, or if I move somewhere else with my tail and diploma between my legs. Proverbially, of course. I plan on hanging that stupid piece of paper somewhere on my next rinky-dink apartment, not letting it get crinkled between my thighs. Plus, you know, I don't, like, have an actual tail. ..Besides the point! I went apartment searching this afternoon and after explicitly stating to the realtor that I can't go above a certain price point, he walks me into a beautiful place way above anything I can afford.

And I'll be damned if it wasn't beautiful.

Stained glass windows over a breakfast nook. Full kitchen, including a rare amenity in any Ann Arbor apartment: a dishwasher. Hardwood and new tile flooring. Private entrance, free WiFi and, so help me, a parking space.

A parking space! That is worth the square footage in GOLD in a city where I have received parking tickets just by thinking about parking in an unattended spot. For the uninformed I have been illegally parking all around this town for the past, oh I don't know, three months. It's incredibly straining to move your car on a weekly, if not daily, basis.

I might have let it slip that it was perfect, and he showed me one other open apartment in the house, which was drab and unfortunate compared to the first. I looked around and realized this man had pulled a Randy on me. You know, Randy from Say Yes to the Dress? Well, it's not like I do either... but I've heard... he gives the bride the perfect (overpriced) gown and she's all, "I'm in love with it!" so nothing else compares and then they evilly gouge her for the sentimental value of her wedding day.

I've been evilly gouged for sentimental value. And floor-to-ceiling windows with crown molding. Don't forget those.

So, you'll see me in a cardboard box next year because I can't afford anything in this blasted town... but I found a dime and a penny on the ground on my way back from work tonight, so that's eleven cents down, nine hundred ninety-nine dollars and eighty-nine cents to go...plus utilities.