Dragging along

It's like I'm stringing this blog along. It's a good friend that wants to be more than friends, but honestly I don't have the time for it, and really I just like the attention that I get from the other blogs when I write on this blog and oh, my lord, my writing life has turned into that of a sorority girl...

This can accurately describe my feelings toward this blog right now.

Working full time will do that to you. It's an odd situation of mine because I haven't fully moved to my new home and residence and weekly I'm commuting to and fro--draining me of any time or excess money. This, thankfully is my last week.
Then I'll be full time on just ONE job.  For the first time in a long time.
 I'll be a construction worker, in the shortest sense of the meaning. The longer version is that I work on a crew retrofitting houses to be more energy efficient through BPI-approved techniques.

That sounds so much more...adult.

But then my boss will ask me "What are your goals" and, like a sad sad reminder slapped in my face, I realize this is not the end-goal for me and I still need to figure out my life.

I'm not eloquent. Fortunately this man is. And for that reason I leave you with his thoughts translating my babbling.

"One of the traps of adolescence is the sort of paranoid resentment that somehow you’re never going to match up, and that everybody else’s life is going to be better and finer and fuller, and everyone else attended some secret lesson in which how to live was taught, and you had a dental appointment that day or you were somehow not invited."
 

- Stephen Fry

50 days

I had my first day off in over a month.

It was nice.

I quit one job already in my resounding life choice to move to Kalamazoo and work full time at Better World Builders. Honestly, I just got woken up from a weird three hour nap that lasted until 10pm by my cat licking my forearm and I'm not convinced that I'm still not dreaming, so pardon me for not explaining BWB a bit more. You can look them up here.

On that glorious day, my first day off in an eternity, I looked around my apartment, packed a few boxes, and ultimately decided that I was a pretty boring person. Thankfully my evening was rescued and I spent the rest of it amongst friends watching youtube videos and petting cats named after candy. (Werthers and Andes Mints, respectively.) I suppose this is what all of the young, hip kids are up to these days.

Now I've got the whole weekend free and I've finally gone home again and I'm sort of floating. I'm not particularly looking forward to tomorrow, where I'll drive back to Kalamazoo and start work. I can't quite place it at this particular moment why that is. Something feels so definite, final, terminal, about having one full-time job.
No school, nothing else. Just working.

Granted, it's not like I did a whole lot apart from working previously. With four jobs, I was/am pretty caught up in punching in a time card. But there's something about FullTime that feels just, different. Conclusive. Before work was a means to an end. Pay for your education, your meals, your down time. Now it's my life. It's what I do.

So there you have it. My apprehensions and insecurities about life transitions. Seems to be a reocurring theme...

Can't I just get paid to sit on a couch and sing along to videos of songs from the 80's and 90's? I've gotten really good at it.